I was taking a bath one night when Emry came in crying hysterically, “Daddy is mean!” I asked her what happened and she said, “Daddy told me to get back in bed, he’s so mean!” I told her daddy is right and that she does need to get back in bed to which she replied, “He hurt my feelings.”
Right now, everything Chase or I do is either nice or mean. If I do exactly what she wants then I get a, “You are so nice mommy.” When I say no, tell her we don’t have time, or tell her it’s time to lay down then I am mean and hurting her feelings. This has been going on for a good week and really got me thinking.
I had just picked her up from school one day when she asked if we could have a lunch date. Lunch dates are something her and I love to do together, and I told her that sounded great. She said, “You are being nice today? Not rude!” (Me saying yes= me being nice.. me saying no= me being mean..) So, we had a little talk while we drove to lunch. We discussed how I am the mommy and when I say no it is for a reason. If we don’t have time for something it is because we are about to do something else that is important. I assured her I am not trying to be rude or mean, I am just taking care of her.
As those last words were being said, I pictured myself having this conversation with God. Right there driving down the road, assuring my four- year- old I do love her and don’t want to hurt her feelings. I was assuring myself that God loves me and is looking out for me, too.
Looking at her face while hearing her feelings, I knew that’s what God sees and hears when I talk to him. Sometimes I am so frustrated with his way of doing things, that I know in the moment, I think he is being mean. My feelings are hurt and just like Emry, I want to cry and run to someone else who will comfort me.
When a prayer is answered, when I see him at work, then of course He is good. He is nice. He loves me.
But that changes quickly when life twists a way I didn’t see coming, or when I think his timing is getting closer to a never than to an “on-time.”
I really think God allowed this last week with Emry to happen so He could teach me the same lesson I am teaching her.
He knows what is ahead. He knows what I need more than I know what I need. He loves me even when I get a no, a redirection, or a continued waiting season. He sees me and hears every word.