In a little over two weeks my baby turns five- years- old and we hit the two- year mark of being in our adoption journey. This week has been heavy. I’ve begun planning her party, she wants Frozen of course, and every time I am on Pinterest getting ideas I feel the reality of time moving ever so quickly. Five years. Five years since her daddy has been home from Kuwait. Five years of watching her four-pound body grow into this energetic, loving, and independent little human. We have lived in three states in her five years. She adapts with grace and joy every single time. Sometimes I look at her and think to myself, ‘I want to be her when I grow up.’ She knows who she is, she picks out the best outfits. She speaks her mind, loves with her whole heart, fights for what she wants and talks about Jesus as if he were physically in the room. She is so full of joy and fun. She definitely gets that from her daddy.
I remember when she was just a toddler Chase and I had an orientation at DHS. I remember when DHS told us that it would be two years of a wait if we wanted a baby. Emry was little at that time, so a baby was really our only option in hopes of keeping our birth order in place. Two years seemed like forever. I told Chase no way I wanted to wait two years, and we kept looking at other places.
Well, here we are. Two years into this part of our story. No birth mom match yet. No clue in the world about a single thing. Just somewhere on a list with a lot of other amazing families waiting for their forever baby, too.
I’m about to have a five-year-old and about to hit another year of trusting the Lord like crazy (and wrestling.. and back to trusting..) for the new life in our family. I wish I could end this on some uplifting and positive note. Reality is, I almost lost my mind yesterday. I had no strength left and everything physically hurt. But today, I woke up wanting fun. I wanted to laugh and share in the joy Em has so much of the time. It’s the day before Christmas Eve- it’s the season for joy anyway, right? So, the three of us (yay for Chase having the day off!) put on some comfy clothes and went to the trampoline park.
I wanted some joy, some laughter, weight taken off my shoulders and another part of my heart that felt so shattered yesterday to be put back together today.. And, you know what? It worked. Immersed in a foam pit, I realized joy is a choice.
I wish you a joy-filled and very Merry Christmas,