2020: Trusting the Process to the Promise

I am sure we can all agree that so many processes life throws our way are not pretty. You are running the race set before you; but the only way to get to that finish line is practice, sweat, surrender, tears, and getting back up every time you fall.

It can be downright painful.

My 2020 focus is trusting the process that gets me to the promise. We all have one.  All have something we are trying to reach, something we are working towards and a light at the end of the tunnel we are striving for.

A deeper process this year I am surrendering to is the journey of acceptance. I don’t know what this process will look like yet. I am sure it will be countless hours spent in our office with worship music blasting, my Bible open, highlighter in hand and a spirit longing for contentment.

I was born with renal birth defects that have followed me all my life. From life saving surgeries at Mayo, to talks of double kidney transplants (that God always saved me from) to heart treatment to grow my heart to normal size after finding out at 18 that it never grew to full size from being so sick, to pregnancy complications that led us to no more future pregnancies.

Yall, so much of my life has been fighting. Fighting for health, for life, for a biological baby when doctors didn’t even think I would live long enough to reach that phase of life. Fighting for normalcy, for purpose in the midst of it all and for internal peace.

It’s these messy parts that are hard to say out loud. If you didn’t know me while these health battles were going on, then you will never understand the magnitude of them. And that’s okay. But so much of it all lives with me daily. Flashbacks and nightmares and reminding myself on a daily basis that everything is okay now. To breathe in and that it is safe now to breathe out.

With a normal kidney function, a thriving five-year-old, a solid marriage, and a birth mom match on the way, I am determined to trust the process of this life God has blessed me with.

I can’t say that really any of this journey I would have planned for myself. But I am coming to the conclusion, the delivering conclusion, that life is not about what you have gone through- it is what you do with what you have gone through that makes a difference in your life and those around you.

Come to peace with your past. Come to peace with your present.

Trust me, I am on this journey with you.