“You Can’t Heal What You Conceal”

A few weeks ago, these feelings and truths came out between a prayer session at church. We prayed about some of the biggest hurts and hurdles I have had, and we invited the Lord into them. It has taken me these last couple of weeks to form that session into these words. One of my pastors always said, “You can’t heal what you conceal.” Being aware of so many hurts I was holding onto, while believing lies about myself, created such a distance with the Lord that has now, finally, broken free.

I hate flashbacks of being in Em’s hospital room. I try to avoid being there at all cost. But, I purposefully went there, three different times, to actively look for Jesus and be covered in his grace. I will forever be grateful to the Lord for meeting me in the midst of one of my most triggering events and showing me just how much control and love he has had for me through it all…

 

This weight is too heavy
Yet I’ve carried it for years
The identity of not enough is a lie
Yet it’s the source of all my fears

Please show me where you’ve been
My soul feels so worn
You draw my attention to the moment she was born

I don’t want to come here
No please not this room
It was the first time I saw her and the last time I looked for you

The moment I saw her fear hit so deep
I knew a miracle was delivered
But when the hope of more babies was taken away
I became instantly bitter

I’m entering this dreaded room looking for you
Realizing there won’t be another baby in my womb
Gray fog begins to consume
I don’t see your light anymore
The storm of grief begins to pour
The title less than becomes my new name
God please take away all of this shame

I enter back in ready to surrender
This time knowing you are my heart’s mender
I’m handing over all control I’ve wrongfully taken
I’m so sorry how I was deeply mistaken
You take my storms with no stumble
Allowing my brick walls to quickly crumble
You show me my storms are not too much at all
You show me you can take every storm and never fall

8 thoughts on ““You Can’t Heal What You Conceal”

  1. Brittany, I am so proud of you and your honest and raw courage but most of all for your true desire to be healed. Truly. Your willingness to go deeper still into the caverns of provision is stunning. I see you in the dark with the light of the Lord clearing away the darkness, it is a multi dimensional diamond shining light and beautiful prisms of color wherever ti falls. You are that beautiful, you are that powerful!
    You break your tender heart open unafraid of what comes next because you know it is the only way. You have been chosen by The king for greatness, He has rewarded and blessed you with an acute understanding that you must treasure…it is The most precious of gifts to be able to enter the inner sanctuaries of The Lord. I feel that He has ushered you in for a holy glimpse. Your words display a reality of The supernatural world a place where only those who suffer for His sake will find. I cannot encourage you enough not praise Him enough for The result He had formulated in beautiful and again stunning you! Please except my observations as yet another gift from the king. I am humbled by you and humility is where I need to stay, for God can always use THAT space it give Him the room to change our hearts. Stand back and see what else lie in store for those who love him..it will be far greater then our highest thought.
    Much love to you
    L.T. thru Christ ( bunkmate)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t say thank you enough for your words.. I will treasure them forever. I’m so grateful God put us on the same Kenya trip. Bunk buddies forever, love you so much.

      Like

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