There are things in life that you would never believe you could handle until you simply just have to. I think that’s why God keeps the big picture to himself and tells us what we need to know only when we actually need to know it.
We’ve been in our adoption process for over two years. Never would I expect to get a phone call on a Thursday that his birth mom chose us, hop on a plane on Sunday and have him born in a pandemic a few days later. Every “regular protocol” our agency had for this part of the process went right out the window.
We prayed like crazy that the hospital would let Chase & I come see him. Not only did they allow that, they also gave us our own room with him so we can take care of him until discharge!
Last night they said with the virus spreading, only one of us could stay with him and the other had to leave the hospital. I looked at Chase and he knew I couldn’t leave.
I never thought I would be with our new baby in a hospital, without his daddy, without his big sissy and without family.
I also never imagined he would begin to withdraw from opioids two hours after Chase had to leave.
If God would have told me “Hey! This is what’s it’s going to look like!” I probably would have thought he was crazy and asked him to bring our baby at a different time.
But, here I am. Tallying every withdraw symptom he has when he has it on a clipboard the nurse gave me. Writing down every time he eats, how much he eats, every diaper change. Sleeping in about two hour intervals while home improvement shows play in the background.
But, really.. there’s no place I’d rather be right now. Holding the sweetest little boy who just wants skin on skin time, snuggles and his bottles. Assuring him that his mommy has him and everything will be okay.
Sometimes we will never understand why God does what he does when he does it. But, if I’m being honest- I am learning that God’s strength and ability really are enough. I am learning I can do hard things alone with Jesus.
And I am remembering just how much energy and joy comes from the sweet smell of the top of his little baby head.
**I wrote this exactly five months ago when Easton wasn’t quite 24 hours old.**