Faith & Falling Apart

Friday was a day. A day that left me bawling in the bathtub telling God I didn’t know what else to do and asking him why this was even happening. Not necessarily a “why me?” vent session, but definitely a “I’ve prayed xyz prayers and I simply don’t understand your answer to any of them” kind of vent session..

Pain hits differently when it’s your child.

Pain hits differently when you’re still recovering from the pain in your rear-view mirror and yet there’s a new pain staring you in the face through the windshield.

Pain also hits different when God redeems a past pain with the beauty of a miracle that only HE could’ve provided but the miracle is still a lesson in healing..

Like grapes being crushed to produce wine.. God crushes you to produce something that is much more effective.

Sometimes I sit and picture my baby’s life. I refuse to label him. He is much more than a “drug positive baby.” I refuse to think he will have these behavior issues forever. I also refuse to believe that he will have six doctors forever or lasting developmental issues.

Through the crushing, God is enabling me to stand stronger. I won’t lie. I am completely exhausted, don’t have many answers and most of the time not much confidence. But, what I do know, is that healing has been my story and now I see it being Easton’s as well.

T.D. Jakes said, “He’s the only thing in an unstable world that keeps you from absolutely falling apart.”

That is crazy true.

Even bawling in the bathtub to him -out of the frustration I had with him- still revolved around HIM! I can’t imagine a life where I didn’t have him.

I definitely know I am not the only one with pain and questions. I know I am not the only tired momma out there praying for healing for her baby. So, I’ll say it again for us who really need to soak it up:

“HE is the ONLY thing in an unstable world that keeps YOU from absolutely falling apart.”

Even when you feel like you are falling apart- He will pick you up every single time.

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