This post has been marinating this week.
After having a panic attack on Saturday, I really felt the Lord wanting me to have some clarity in the root of why.
I wish I could say this was one of my firsts. Even though it isn’t, it did feel different than the previous ones. I felt God grabbing my attention.
The night before, Chase and I had decided not to start our next adoption until our son had matured a little bit more. With his drug exposure, there are areas where he is still very much like a newborn even though he is thirteen months old.
I totally agreed. Having another baby in the next year or two sounds very overwhelming since we still aren’t sleeping through the night currently.
I agreed, I was fine, it wasn’t even an argument. It made sense to wait. I was fine.
Until, I wasn’t.
A platter of shame and guilt and responsibility were served to me the day I found out I was risking double kidney transplants if I ever had another pregnancy.
And in moments of complete emotional exhaustion, I taste them all over again.
I was cleaning my room a couple days later, and heard “Shame is your root of anxiety.” Over and over again those words played in my head.
Shame.
Honestly, I would have thought it would be control. God is/has done things that quite frankly I haven’t agreed with. So yeah, control would make sense to me. You can ask Chase. If I have a plan, I do not handle it changing very well..
But, no, I heard shame.
And then I heard why.
Playing back what I “can’t do” instead of repeating what God HAS DONE and IS DOING, has set my mind in a spiral of complete crap. (I don’t even know what other word to use for it..)
Getting the attention off of me- and onto HIM- is the only recipe for freedom.
I think God is cleansing His people. Getting rid of junk that serves no purpose- for ourselves and for His Kingdom. Exposing lies so he can cover us in His truth.
It’s not pretty- but it’s purposeful.
I’ll end this post with these words that really set me straight when I am struggling:
“When you pray, “God, make a way.” You don’t get to define the way God makes.”- Steven Furtick
I need to pull a Posty, and tattoo that on my face.
Raw Healing 
God is so smart! Not only does He know what is really happening in us but He knows the perfect time to reveal it to us, if we are seeking Him to find out. As we reflect back over our struggles, we realize how much we have grown in our walk with Him along the way.
One of the most important steps in conquering and healing is openness and honesty with Him, ourselves and others. You have that nailed!
I am so proud of you!! Just think of how many
“she will never be able to‘s” that the Lord has miraculously proved to be wrong in your life!
He is not done and neither are you! Love you!
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Many years ago I did a Kay Arthur Bible Study entitled God Heal My Hurts. She taught that the only way our hurts can heal is to find the root of the hurts and deal with it. It’s so hard to do, but it’s worth it because it’s the only way to have freedom and healing.
Thank You Lord for the freedom and healing He has brought you to❣️❤️🙏🏻🌈🙌🏻
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