The Talk with Emry I Never Saw Coming

“When do I go with my new mommy and daddy?” we heard coming from the backseat. What? Being so confused, we said nothing for a few seconds. Then she repeats, “When do I go with my new mommy and daddy?” I whispered to Chase, “Do you think she is talking about the baby?” She then says, “You know, like the baby gets a new mommy and daddy so when do I get mine? You know, like when I am 10 or something, I will get a new mommy and daddy.”

By being in the adoption process, there are a lot of “what if” scenarios that play in my mind. In order to stay somewhat sane, I have to choose regularly to give those scenarios (and whatever the answers may turn out to be) up to God. Adoption is nothing short of a roller coaster with highs that make you excited, drops that make you nauseous and twists and turns that make you either hold on tight or throw your hands in the air knowing you have to submit to the process of the ride.

We have been extremely honest about this ride with her. She knows a baby is on the way, she knows it won’t be in my belly and that it has another mommy right now. She has been through every step of this with Chase and I from watching us do mountains of paperwork, to training videos, being interviewed (four- year- old friendly style) in our home study and now just waiting.

Her question made me second guess if we have over shared with her about this process. I question if we should have waited to tell her until the day that we actually get matched with a birth mom. Honestly, I didn’t think adoption took this long. I didn’t think we would be starting our second year of this right now. I wanted her to know the truth. Every time one of her aunts gets pregnant, she asks me if a baby is in my belly. I had to tell her the truth that a baby will never be in my belly again, but that there’s this process called adoption.

I am consistently asking for tough skin, words to say, peace, and trust in God. This question we never saw coming, we now had to answer. We reassured Emry that she always will be a part of our family, and that when we get our babies, they will always be in our family too. I then got some groceries at Whole Foods, picked up a cheeseburger from Five Guys (balance?) and blasted worship music in the car. When this journey takes me through a spiraling turn, I do eventually find my way back to truth. My night ended being reassured by Chase that Em is just trying to figure this process out. And she’s truly not the only one.